hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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