Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
