Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
