Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
