she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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