When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
