Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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