I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
