Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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