At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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