i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
