His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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