you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
