I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
