i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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