Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
