My friends, they love my intelligence
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize