why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
