why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
