She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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