we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
