she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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