Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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