I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
