It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
