This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
