Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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