I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
