i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
