He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
