The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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