You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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