Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
