thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
