Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
