I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I have post one night stand depression
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