I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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