i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i will never coherently bang her
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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