We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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