I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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