My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
