I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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