Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
