How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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