Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
