yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
