I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
