Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
