sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
