i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
