I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
