Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
