Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
