also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You are the jesus of drinking
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
