My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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