You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
