u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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