i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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