i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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