By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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