Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
