Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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