I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
