I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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