We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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