Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
