I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
