belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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