Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
