i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
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I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
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How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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