Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
