Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
