she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
