Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
