Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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