what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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