he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
