all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
